Wednesday One-Shot: No Morels

[00:00:02] Welcome to Wednesday One-Shots, the series where we share a bonus story with you in the middle of the week to help you get through that midweek slump. This week we have a story titled No Morels from a listener named Eshel. This happened to me recently.

[00:00:28] The weather felt like it went from winter to summer in mere days. The temperature shift, plus some rain, is prime for morel mushrooms. I planned to take a half day from work to jet off to the forest and find some.

[00:00:42] With plans in the early evening, I didn't want to go deep into the wilderness like I normally do on a foraging trip. Instead, I chose an experimental range closer to town that is very popular among bikers, hikers, and trail runners.

[00:00:56] It's never empty and is one of the safer wooded areas around. The conditions were drier than I had actually expected and a layer of fallen leaves still covered the ground, making these already hard to find fungi extra challenging to seek.

[00:01:13] After some walking, I had not seen any mushrooms, which wasn't promising. Eventually, I decided to just enjoy a long walk in the woods while keeping a sharp eye out for them. I was listening to a podcast. Wouldn't you know it was Let's Not Meet.

[00:01:29] There were fewer people than usual on the trails on this balmy spring day, but I passed a handful of folks out getting exercise. Still listening to the podcast, I passed a woman who slowed her running long enough to

[00:01:41] warn me that a guy in a pink hat further up on the trail might ask for my number. I called out to her, um, should I be worried? Without stopping and looking back, she said, no, he's just a little lonely.

[00:01:56] En route to the parking lot, I continued preparing my response to this weird forest cat caller in a pink hat. No one fitting that description appeared. The trail network is pretty expansive, so I was hopeful that the pink-hatted creep had wandered in a different direction.

[00:02:14] Upon rounding a corner, I saw a man standing in the middle of the trail. This man was wearing shorts but no hat. He was tall, seemed to be in his mid-twenties, and was dressed normally for a day outdoors.

[00:02:26] Hackles up anyway, I quickly walked past him with nothing more than eye contact. The man was beside me a minute later, stooping down to pick something up. He said, sorry, I didn't mean to make you nervous. I'm probably going to be doing this a lot.

[00:02:43] Before I had time to even get suspicious, I was distracted by a tattoo on his forearm. Morels. It was good to finally see some morels, even if they were in tattoo form. I smiled and pointed at the tattoo and asked, you're not out here for those, are you?

[00:02:59] He perked up and said no, but I know how to find them if you're looking. I told him that I was and we started walking together. He started sharing knowledge and tips about morels, most of which I already knew.

[00:03:12] The more we chatted, the more assured I became that he was just another local nature enthusiast enjoying a day out. I didn't even notice that he was no longer stopping to pick anything up. We, well more so he, talked about mushrooms and mycology for a while.

[00:03:28] I made sure to mention that I had a boyfriend. Nothing about the conversation felt flirtatious or uncomfortable and he was a lot younger than me anyway. He started name dropping well-known mycologists he knew personally. This is known as hippie cred for those that don't know.

[00:03:46] Then completely unprompted, he started prattling about his career in the cannabis industry. I had a narcissistic ex who was also in that world. This guy spoke about it in the same grandstanding way as my ex.

[00:04:00] Lots of posturing about the secret nature of the industry, bragging about how his weed prices and quality topped all of the competition. Lots of incessant humble bragging without considering the other person's level of interest. He used the phrase, not to be boastful, at least three times.

[00:04:20] It was an obnoxious reminder, but I was unfortunately used to being on the receiving end of this type of conversation. I figured I could humor him until we at least reached the parking lot.

[00:04:32] Nothing about the interaction gave me any bad gut feelings, just a few covert eye rolls. As we reached the mouth of the trail, we stopped to exchange numbers so that we could share some screenshots of map areas and pins where we had found morels and other edible mushrooms.

[00:04:48] As we were doing this, I noticed that the woman I had passed and another female runner were both standing in the parking lot looking at this guy and me. He seemed to notice this and insisted that we need to finish exchanging numbers before returning to our cars.

[00:05:04] He said that he needed to keep a low profile due to the nature of his job. We pleasantly parted ways and I headed to my car. Then one of the women called out,

[00:05:15] Ma'am, just so you know, that guy ran up on me and asked if I wanted to get horny with him. The other woman, whom I had spoken to before, added that he actually ran alongside her for some time trying to get her number.

[00:05:30] She said that it was hard to shake him off. My jaw dropped as I explained that we had hiked together through the woods for a while. I let them know that nothing happened but assured them that I would have never accepted his company if I had known.

[00:05:45] Just then, he roared past us out of the parking lot in a loud red Corvette. This struck me as not the kind of car that you would want if you were a Mr. High and Mighty Cannabis Industry Rep in a state where it's still illegal.

[00:06:02] So much for keeping a low profile. I thanked the runners who warned me to be more careful. It really would have been helpful if the woman had let me know that the guy was being straight up predatory and not just a little lonely.

[00:06:16] Before heading home, I blocked and deleted his number. Morales be damned. My boyfriend and I had been trying in vain to analyze why the guy's behavior towards me was so different. We developed a couple of theories but agreed that it's hard to make any sense of such

[00:06:31] a bizarre situation. This will not deter me from hiking solo and I learned the importance of not downplaying details if you need to warn others about potential threats. And to the dude in the woods who sexually harassed two women before needlessly bending

[00:06:48] over backward to try and impress me, let's not meet again. Thank you for listening and thank you to Eshel for submitting that story titled No Morales. If you have a story to share, make sure you send it to letsnotmeetstories at gmail.com.

[00:07:02] I'll see you guys next week for a full brand new episode of Let's Not Meet, a true horror podcast. Everyone stay safe.